Saturday, March 29, 2008


What's this crap about watermelon? Well, when you haven't eaten for 24 hours, the experience of having the watermelon juice running down your arms can be the most wonderful experience of your life!

No, I haven't changed my mind. I still believe that a long term fast is harmful to the body, well at least my body. But there's nothing wrong with starting the spring Body Enlightenment System (BES) off with a 24 hour fast.

Yes, the Raw Divas (not the WWE Raw Divas, I'm talking about the beautiful, classy smart Raw Divas!), are at it again. Keely and I are in the thick of things as usual. So what's different this year?

I'm riding a bicycle.

Now most people wouldn't be surprised by that fact, unless you actually knew of my aversion to anything that required an expenditure of energy. But I like it. Because of the rain, I've only been out twice. But that's twice I've actually done the path at Highbanks Metro Park without breaking anything on the bike, myself, or anyone I've passed. (Ite helped that people jumped off the bike path when I got near them!)

I'm enjoying my Schwinn Sierra GS. Its a nice "weekend warrior" 21-speed bike. Don't ask my what I need 21 speeds for. All my bikes growing up had one speed, and it was measured by how fast I could pedal.

So expect more posts as we start a new BES journey, and I learn how to ride a bike after 30 years. (Could I have 25 days in the pool as to when I scrap the first knee!)

My thanks to the people at Performance Bicycles for helping get me back on the path! Here's to my first "century"!

Now excuse me while I go get naked and soak in a herbal bath for the next 20 minutes or so (now you're stuck with that vision for at least the next 24 hours! No, there aren't going to be any pictures!)

Sunday, March 23, 2008

A Blessed Ostara

A blessed what?

Ostara! Oh, come on, its always celebrated around the spring equinox. Its the time when we celebrate the rebirth...

Whoops, wrong religion. OK, let's step back to pre-Christian Europe, and the area now known as Germany. According to Kveldulf Hagan Gundarsson and Gunnora Hallakarva "[t]he feast of Ostara takes its name from the Goddess Eostre, of whom little is known, except that she must have been a Goddess of spring, fertility, rebirth, and the rising sun. Her name is etymologically connected with both the "east," and with a word for "shining; glorious." The Ostara worship was so strong in the Germanic lands that the somewhat similar Christian feast of rebirth and renewal was given the Goddess's name." (Check out their entire article at:

So, what did I do to renew myself today? I looked at my new bike. That's right, I've taken another step to health. It sits in the middle of the living room, with the helmet hanging from the handle bars. I probably should have taken it out today, but to be honest, I find myself suffering a little bit from "51 year old male doesn't want to make more of an ass out of himself than normal" syndrome. Oh, I'll take it out this week, and probably do a header, but I thought I'd read the book, and do some surfing on the Internet to figure out how to work the "21 gears". (My first bike didn't have a gear!)

So that was my first move toward rebirth this Ostara. Have I got something else planned? (If you have to wonder, think about why I'd ask the question if I didn't have something up my sleeve?) I'm going on another fast!

Hold on Tonto, I thought you were against fasting. I am. But I'm not going on a food fast. I'm going on a "Digi-Fast". I'm turning off my computer.

Oh, don't worry, I'm not turning off my computer for good. Just for a few days each week when I'm at home. I have to have the thing on at work, but I'm learning that the job is nothing more than a tool. Its no longer my life.

So what has my life become? Like most of you I spend hours on my computer. I download all sorts of things. I surf, I check out the forums, and I post on my blog. Instead of sitting for hours in front of the TV, I sit in front of the computer, while the rest of the world passes me by. The television was called the "boob tube" when I was growing up. Its been taken over by the Internet. I'll admit it: I'M A DIGITAL ADDICT!

So as part of my rebirth this "Ostara" I'm going to eat as close to 100% raw as I can. I'm going to take my bike out and see if I can grow wings when I do a header. And finally I'm going on a "Digi-Fast". At least two days a week, I'm going to turn off my computer. That's right, the switch is going to be flipped off. I'm starting with Friday and Saturday.

I'm going to spend more time with my wife, and friends. I'm going to spend time reading books that will help me connect with my inner self, and I'm going to reconnect with the world around me.

So, what's your plan this Easter, Ostara, Asatruar or Eostre?

Note: I realize that the picture is sickeningly cute. I'm trying to atone for all those rabbits my Great Grandmother used to fix me for Easter Dinner! Just be glad that I didn't use this picture on this post. (Talk about a sickening "Hallmarkesque" moment! ):

To be honest, I was going to post it but my friend Thomas threatened to chew off my....OH GOD NO! NOT THAT! TAKE THE LEG INSTEAD! PLEASE GIVE IT BACK! (Damn rat!)

My thanks to the fine folks at Performance Bicycle for the great deal on my new Schwinn Sierra GS, lovingly named "Flash"! (Don't ask me the name of my Palm Pilot!)

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Try a "Slow"

Before I start, let me remind you of my fundamental beliefs when it comes to your life.

It’s your life to live. No one controls you. You set your own path.

You choose to eat what you eat, drink what you drink. You die when you have fulfilled your goals.

To quote Bill Murray: "It just doesn't matter."

OK, that's not the best quote. Let's change it a little bit.

"It just doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, says, or does, just as long as you are happy in your walk, and harm no one, be it an animal, vegetable or mineral."

That sounds a lot better.

So remember, what I'm about to say is my own opinion. You have to make up your own mind, and decide what makes you happy.

Having said that, let me say: "Fasting of any type really sucks!" (I feel much better.)

For those of you who have been following my "Bob's Legal Lemon" posts on Tera's My Lemonade Cleanse you know that I did a 10 day Master Cleanse fast. For 10 days I had nothing but "Lemonade" during the day, a glass of laxative tea at night, and salt water flush in the morning. By the night of the last day I wanted nothing to do with "lemonade".

Oh, I lost weight, and I'm sleeping better. But by the 10th day I was more scatterbrained than usual. I was on the edge. I was bored with the diet.

But is fasting natural? I've read the books. I know that the "fast/feast" experts say that after a while you might even have a religious experience.

Is it a religious experience or is it the body saying "Hey stupid, get real! Real food that is!"

Over the centuries we have drifted away from nature. We surround ourselves with boxes on wheels, stilts and wings. We flash information around the world in seconds. We want our food fast, and we want a lot of it without any thought of the consequences of our actions.

Then, when our body says "enough is enough", instead of slowing down and giving it the food that will allow it to naturally come back to a balance at the speed that is best for the body, we decide to fast.

Look at the name we give the denial of fuel. We even call the practice "FAST". Instead of working with our bodies we try to ram them back on track "FAST".

Did you ever think that after we've forced garbage upon our bodies, that we might be doing even more damage by a "FAST", when what we really need is to work with our bodies and allow them to seek their own level through a program of healthy food that is meant for the body.

Do you really think that the only way to "detox" is through a "FAST"? Why not detoxing through a "SLOW"?

What the hell's a "SLOW"?

Simple. A slow is a natural diet of high energy foods. It’s a diet for your body.

Bet it sounds easy, doesn't it? Well, a "SLOW" is much harder than a "Fast". It requires you to live with your body. It requires you to be responsible for your body. It requires you to listen to your body.

Responsibility is a word we don't use much these days. Instead we go to our doctors and ask for a pill. We point our fingers and act the victim.

You will probably have to give up some of the food that you like. Why? Because you live in your body, and it just might not like the same things you do.

Your body is a much deeper relationship than a commitment to another being. You can walk away from another creature. The only way you can get away from your body is by dying.

Think about how you want to live. You can "FAST" if you want to "FAST". Or you can start living with your body, and giving it as much respect as you would give to a person you love. Remember, it was the tortoise who won the race by going "SLOW", not the "FAST" hare!

Me? I'm going to take life "SLOW" and smell the roses too.....

(Gee, I wonder if they caught it? Oh, life is so much fun at times like these!)

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Talk About a Snow Job!

For anyone who doesn't get CNN, a newspaper, or any type of electronic or print information, Columbus, Ohio got hammered with snow. The official total at the work hive is 20.5 inches (about 50 cm.).

Of course there's the idiot who is visiting a neighbor who parked his "I am short a male organ so I bought a big pick-up truck to make up for my lack of any type of meaningful manhood" Ford in front of the dumpsters, across four parking spots and has left it there since Friday night while his jackass friend came and picked him up yesterday. (Can you tell that if I had the number of the towing service we use, I'd show him how easily it can be moved?)

I could get my car out and back in our drive this morning, but for the fact that I care more about the rear end of my car than I do about the side of his stinking manhood! (I hope that he's never allowed to reproduce.) Its times like these that make me realize I have a ways to go before I can claim to be a Bodhisattva.

Before I show you my pictures, I just want to let you know that I've only got two more days of the Master Cleanse to go. I'm glad I did it, but I'll be glad to get back to a solid food diet too. Please check out the great article on our friend Penni Shelton out in Tulsa. She's doing a 92 day "Juice Feast". I can't imagine it! Its a great article for a great soul!

Check out Penni at:

OK, here's the pictures. Be afraid, be very afraid. I'm going to go cough up a lung.

Our Condo

Our cars...I think....

The early hours.

Our cars from the front door, before I was ready to brave the glacier. (See the "I have no manhood truck"?)

This last is the picture of the idiot with his "manhood lacking pick-up truck". I guess he really parked in part of the road. Makes him even more intelligent.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Where's Bob?

Bob's on Day 5 of his 10 day Master Cleanse. I'm not going to say that he's totally enjoying it, but he's enjoying the experience. He's blogging at the end of each day on Raw Diva Tera Warner's blog "My Lemonade Cleanse".

Please feel free to jump over to his Legal Lemon page on Tera's blog for the next few days. While you're there check out Tera's postings, and Katy Joy's 10 day blog page too!

I'm going to try to get him to post something here on Sunday. That will be day eight!

Until then: Hide your cheese.


Sunday, March 2, 2008

Hosanna Heysanna

A NOTE: I wrote this post about a week ago. Since then I decided to do a 10 day Master Cleanse Fast. Like with a house, I decided that now was the best time for a spring cleaning. It is the best fit for my lifestyle. Of course the best thing about it is how Peter Glickman, author of the book "Lose Weight, Have More Energy & Be Happier in 10 Days" says that the only person who can decide what is right is you. That was a big plus in my book. You can check out my MC adventure at My Lemonade Cleanse, brought to you by Tera Warner of The Raw Divas! (Click on the nice colored words after reading the rest of this post to get there!)

So read on, I hope you enjoy this post. (Damn, that picture makes me look like a middle aged male sweating his ass off in the Mekong Delta while eating fresh durian. Type casting!)

Sanna Sanna Ho Sanna Hey Sanna Ho Sanna,

Hey JC, JC won't you fight for me?

Remember those words from the rock Opera Jesus Christ Superstar? We sang the music, we argued the message, we cried at the end of the film.

How can we really find nirvana, heaven, or whatever we believe the after life to be? We flock to temples, churches, tents and fields. Old people send their Social Security checks to support the Mega Church ministries that fill the airwaves on Sunday morning, with the promise of miracles of never ending wealth if only you pledge your checks to their keeping.

Some of us meditate for hours. People still flog themselves, mentally and physically. We starve ourselves, and walk miles to the top of mountains. Some feel that raw food is the answer to a long life. But do any of these paths lead us to true peace?

They just might. They're tools, and every now and then we need a tool. A ladder is a tool, and we don't think twice about using a ladder to change a light bulb. A screwdriver is a tool, and we'll use one to remove the cover on the back of a dryer.

Isn't meditation, prayer, or fasting just as much of a tool as a ladder or a screwdriver?

But do we really need any of these tools to reach the peace that we are seeking in our lives? I propose to you that we really don't need anything other than reaching out and becoming part of that which is our birthright!

A couple of years ago, a dear friend and I were taking a walk through one of the Columbus Metro Parks. We stopped, as was our habit, at the nature overlook to see if there were any deer nearby. For just a moment the world stopped, and there was a peace I'd never felt before. The normal background sound of birds and traffic from the nearby highway disappeared. The wind stopped, and for a moment we were in that place between time, between breaths, where all is connected and life exists as one. It ended too soon, and we both looked at each other wondering what just happened?

Sound crazy don't I? But isn't this what we are all striving toward? To be one with that which connects all that exists? To be free of fear, or want?

Did it really happen? I think so, and that is all that really matters.

What did I do to cause this moment? Did I meditate, pray, fast, or flog myself? No.

I merely allowed myself to accept that which is everyone's birthright; peace, love, and life.

If you need a tool, I have an experiment for you to try. The next time you go to buy your food for the week, don't just fill your basket. Try listening to the food you buy. Pick it up, and see if it feels alive. Pick the fruit or vegetable which feels more comfortable in your hand. Remember Chevy Chase in Caddyshack, when he looked at Danny and said to "Be the ball". Well try to be the red pepper, the durian, or the grapes. If they don't excite you, put them back, and pick up another piece until you feel comfortable with the food you plan to ingest.

The closer you come to your reality, the more you'll realize what your reality really is, and become one with your world.

May you each experience that moment, and may it fill your life with wonder, and the realization of your birthright, whatever path you walk.

Yeah, that's a picture of me zoning out in the Mekong Delta while gnawing on a lovely hunk of durian. Nirvana. Heaven on earth. Better than contemplating your navel. Understand that I really can't stand my picture being taken. But I figured I'd post something for #1 Daughter who is in Belgium. Keely and I really miss you Sera.